A Different Reflection

You know, I have often written about the traditions that were carried on when I am younger and this is going to be no different. Some families cannot get everything that they want, such as those huge houses or million dollar cars. That is probably most of us. We cannot get everything that we want in life. If we did we would not know what life was really about. Life is about struggling at certain points and getting through these points. We surround ourselves with others that will, hopefully, help through the struggles along with being there through the happy things in life. However, I want to focus on my family again. My grandma on my mom's side died about 6 and a half years ago now. It was interesting how we would always go over to my grandparents' house for bread after Sunday church. My grandma would always make bread from scratch for this purpose and I always thought that this was such a great thing, such a treat. Yes, we had it every Sunday, but it was still a treat to have homemade bread. I have begun to make my own bread also and I view it as such a treat. The ingredients cost no more than $1.50 or $2 to make that bread, but it is still something special. I have never been one to cherish the huge things in life, but rather the small things. In those loafs of bread my grandma showed her caring nature and her love for all of us. It takes a few hours to make that bread, but it was always waiting for us on Sunday, meaning that she had enough foresight to realize what had to be done. Most families do not meet together like this every week. My family cannot really do this anymore since I am in California, my brother is in New Mexico and my sister is in Florida. However, we can show our love in little things that we do. Yeah, we all do not have the time to bake bread for those we care about, but there are other things that we can do in life for those around us. After my grandma died we still went over to the house for bread after church for a little while, but it soon got to be too hard for all of us to even go to the same church, so we rarely met for bread anymore. Why do I really even say this at all? Well, it is because as I reflect on what used to be I realize what will be in the future and what great LITTLE things I can do to leave memories.

Time for Some Thinking

You know, at this point in my life I honestly thought things would be different than they are. I figured myself to be married with a few kids, but this is not what God had in mind for me. I figured that I would be making tons of money and have almost no debt. It is funny because this is how I would have pictured myself. There was a time in life where I did simply think about money and how rich I could be. Instead, however, I have a lot of debt with payments soon to be starting. I cannot say that I am actually happy about where I am, but you know, there are times where I will look back and be very happy. I just got done watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and even a movie such as that can cause you to think deep. Here are these two guys who seem to be failures, but they are not failures. They become a great band in a few years, but now they seem hopeless. This can be our lives at times, but we get out of these times. Sure, I am in debt, but I know that there will be a time where I can look back and see how this has caused me to grow. God has greater things in mind for me. There is still someone out there for me, so this is my hope. I have many great strides to make in life still, apparently, so it is not my time to settle down. I have hope for this life because I know God has greater things in store for me than I can even ask or imagine. There was a time when I thought money drove life, but I realize that it doesn't. What drives my life is the idea that Christ has died for all my sins, so no matter how much I think life is screwed up I can be reminded that Christ paid for all that screw up. What really, do non-Christians have to look forward to? What they judge to be fun only lasts a short time, but the real "fun" is yet to come for all those who have been redeemed.

Another Reflection (03/07)

Often times we hear people say the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes. But, what does death really mean if there is nothing after this world? What is the purpose of humans in the first place? We can look at things around us and find a purpose in most things, but there really is no purpose for man if there is nothing after this world. Christians see a purpose beyond this life, but Christians are no longer the majority. So, what does the world see in death? Nothing, they see the grave as the end. Sure you can influence people to think. Just look at L. Ron Hubbard. He got people to believe Scientology, but has it gotten him any further? Do we exist on this earth to do the most good for the most people? Isn't that relative though? Even if we do good there is someone out there that will do more good than you. So why do good in the first place? So that you don't die for doing evil? People may remember you for a little while after you die, but not for very long. So, why do good? If you know that no one is going to remember you would you still do as much good as you possibly could? But, then again, what is good? There is a series of questions which are nonsense. If you are a Christian you know why you exist in this world.
The other thing that simply makes no sense to me is to hear people say "oh, he/she settled, they could have done so much better." I see marriage as a committment and if you enter a marriage because you feel that you can do no better I find you depressing. Why would you marry someone if you find someone else out there? I don't think you can settle in marriage. But, wait, what does it mean to settle? Do you admit to your husband/wife that you settled? Obviously there has to be some love somewhere or else you would not have married the person in the first place. Get over it, people, you cannot possibly settle in marriage. It is a divine institution and there has to be feelings. Sure, some people don't marry the pretty/handsome people that you think they should, but that beauty fades. If I wake up next to someone who is ugly on the inside I have made a huge mistake in life. Sure, there has to be some kind of physical attraction, but it is what is inside that counts. If marriage had to fit into the shallow standards that so many people impose there would be such a lack of good people out there. Don't be shallow, realize that people marry because they like the people, not because they feel they can do no better.

Bonhoeffer

Dietrich Bonhoeffer once said "God is not to be seen, for if he were seen he would be nothing more than an idol." Well, I fully agree with this quote. If you think about it it is absolutely true. So many people in this world today will only believe in a god if that god is seen by them. Well, God is not seen this way. If he were seen this way he would be nothing more than a human, but God is so much greater than we can ever think or imagine. If He was seen that would make him much less and non-important. But God is very important. The Christian walk is concerned with following the ways that He has set out for us. If we do not follow these ways what is our life? If God shows himself to these doubters what would make them believe anyways? At that point God would not be worth believing anymore because these people are worshipping that image and as many people would conclude, God has no "image" because he is not seen by us in the terms that you are thinking. God is only seen in our understanding, not in our sight. And the understanding that we actually have is little at all.

Christianity is a Joke?

Christianity is a Joke?
I do not want to go back in time to figure out how many times in my xangas I have actually either used "Christianity is a joke" as a title of a post or in some part of any of my posts, but I know that it is a lot. Do I really think that Christianity is a joke? Not at all. I consider it my work to further the truth of Christianity. Please do not take any of posts as me doubting Christianity, for this is not me. So what do I think today?
Christianity is a joke if you take it the way that some people do. Or maybe it is just church in general. Weekly church gatherings seem to build up for you right? I mean, if you go to church five weeks in a row is that enough that you can skip one week to go out fishing or just sleep in? You look around in church and say "hey, that person hasn't been in church for a few weeks, so I can afford to miss a week." Why are you thinking this way? Why does it matter what other people do? Don't you go to worship services to praise God? What is the focus for you? Do you go to church because you feel guilty? ?Maybe some is saying "your mother/ father really wants you to go to church" or "it would make your grandparents very happy if they saw you in church this week." But then aren't you really going just to please people? Do you think it really pleases God if you are going to church just to please other people?
And then this comment: Can any church really call themselves the "almost perfect" church? Is it actually possible? I once heard a comment from Jay Bakker (I understand that he is nowhere close to the type of thinking that I am supposed to support) that the church is for the sick people, not the healthy ones. Church is for those who realize that they are not good enough on their own. Yes, we are perfected in Christ, but no church can ever say that it is "almost perfect."

Christianity as a Cure for Boredom?

Does Christianity really cure boredom? What is boredom, though? Is it really equated to meaninglessness? I do not believe that it is. Boredom in a general sense is finding life to be dull at a certain moment. Does Christianity make life fun? I do not really believe so. The Christian journey is a journey with its ups and downs. Can you be bored as a Christian? Yes you can. Does the world around us look at Christianity as boredom? I would guarantee that people around us look at us as boring because while they can engage in sexual promiscuity and all the other "fun" things we cannot do these things. It seems like the world would see us as boring. We can't have any "fun" after all. What would make someone go from having all that "fun" to the struggle that is the Christian life? Yes, everything apart from the worship and study of God is meaningless, but I don't see how boredom really equates to meaninglessness. In the worldly sense of the word, these are polar opposites.

A Reflection on Jean (Post from 01/08)

This past weekend I spent some time in NW Iowa. While there I was informed of the passing of one of my dear friends, Jean Olthoff. Now I cannot mourn much because Jean was 80 years old, but it will still be a loss to the earthly community. She is with Jesus now, a wonderful and glorious thought. She seemingly had no health problems so her passing was very sudden. One minute she was vacuuming and the next minute she was gone from this world. An ordinary lady, but an extraordinary Christian. As I heard from Dr. Nederhood this morning at the funeral, she was a woman that would let you talk as much as you wanted to before she would give her response. But, really, it was not her response, it was a response from the Word of God. She studied the Bible so much that she knew exactly where to turn to offer you advice. Jean was a great Christian and she will definitely be missed. However, that is not the end of this blog. I said that she was one of my dear friends, but I have yet to say why. She lived in South Holland for most of those 80 years, but it was not until I was at my previous church that I first met Jean. She was always a shining light for the community. She didn't care what she had to do any day of the week, she would drop everything to help you in what you did. If every asked how she was doing you would get a fast response of "how are you doing?" and if it was a happy response she would echo it and say "I am just fine knowing that you are doing wonderfully." I remember my first ever visit that I went on as a pastoral intern was to Jean's house. I cannot recall that often that I actually had seen Jean in church before I had made this visit. You see, Jean was busy taking care of her husband Ralph who was in the beginning stages of dementia when I went to visit. We visited for about 3 hours and it was such a pleasant visit. This was the first time I really got to talk to Jean. Through the course of the summer I made many visits to many other people and as the summer was coming to a close I decided to make two more visits. The one visit was to my friend Tony (whom I wrote about roughly a year and a half ago on his passing) and the last visit that I made that summer was to Jean and Ralph. I could not attend Tony's funeral so Jean kindly sent me a card telling me about all the goings on in South Holland at that time. Four months later I learned that Ralph had become very sick. So, the first thing I did was go to the store in California and find a card that I could send to Jean. I found a great card and sent it along wishing them my best. It was not more than a day after I sent that card that Ralph died. I now had to send a sympathy card. However, after this card came a return card from Jean. It was a card wishing me well and telling me about all the blessings she now had knowing that Ralph was in a better place. I decided that even though I was no longer the intern at my church I would still call Jean up and go visit her. So, when I came home for Christmas time my first call was to her. We chatted for a long time and she had told me how she knew that her husband was going to die so she had rearranged the furniture in the living room to make it easier for the medics to get to him. Over the next six months we exchanged cards back and forth while we were away from each other. When I came home this past summer I learned that Jean had fallen and I immediately made a phone call to her. She welcomed me with open arms. She said that I could come over and talk with her, even though she was in some pain. This was Jean. This was a very caring lady. When I resumed school in the Fall there was another of Jean's cards waiting for me. Another one came soon after the wildfires telling me how much she had been praying for me. I feel a bit of guilt because I never found a card to send back to Jean in response to this card to let her know that her prayers were appreciated. On Christmas Day of 2007 I saw Jean in church with some of her family members. Apparently this was the first time she had been at Cottage Grove for a few weeks. So, after church I went up to Jean, got my usual hug and kiss greeting from her, and asked her where she had been. She told me that everything was alright and she would discuss that with me when we next met. We had to decided that we would meet the next week. However, Jean went to glory last week Friday, one week before we were supposed to meet together. I suppose that I will not find out where she had been, but I know where she will be. She will be with Jesus, where she always wanted to be. It was relayed to me that on Christmas night she told one of her sons that she wanted to go home while they were driving to her home. He quickly responded that they were almost home and she again said "I want to go home." It was not her earthly home that she was talking about, but that one beyond this world. Flipping through her Bible in preparation for the funeral her sons found a note that simply said "O Jesus, every day I wake to know that you are my Lord it brings joy to me. I long for that day when I am in your presence forever." This was Jean, always showing her Christian committment and her genuine joy that Jesus was in her life.

Central to Church?

No doubt someone somewhere will take objection to this post. No doubt. I know for a fact that we should never structure where we go to church around the music that they have. Sure, a few years and still even today people are leaving churches because they sing out of a book instead of off a screen. Does the medium really matter? Some people say that they will not sing off a screen because they do not see the music that accompanies those lyrics. A church back home one uped these people by providing the musical notes along with the words. The other side of people do not want to sing from a hymnal because it either limits them in their "spontaneous worship of God" or it is just too heavy for them. But, I am convinced that as long as those songs are glorifying to God they are alright. The thing that I cannot stand for is people that go to a church because of the music that they have. Is music honestly that important? Does it matter whether those songs are played by an organ or by a guitar? I think not. What really matters to me is the preaching of the word. I would much rather go to a church that does not know how to sing than go to a church that does not know what the true Gospel is. Christ came to this Earth for a reason. It was not to make us monetarily rich, but to make us rich in spirit. You can read all the books you want about how to make yourself better, but if you are not sitting under the true Gospel you are not going to gain anything. Riches of this world are fleeting. Entertainment is fleeting, but the true Gospel will never leave. It stands forever.

Growing Up, A Reflection

You know, it is always interesting what you remember from your childhood. For some there are a lot of things that they wish they could forget. For me they are things which I wish I could relive.
Living out in California I cannot be like I was back home in Illinois. My neighborhood back home was always a pleasant place. Out here in California there is really nothing that speaks to me as a neighborhood. The house that I live in is built on a hill, so the houses are not really next to each other, but up the hill from each other. I miss being able to talk to neighbors and do all the fun stuff that you do as a kid with the neighbors. I realize that I am 25 years old, but I think living in a neighborhood is part of what I want in life, even if I am too old now to do all those fun things anymore.
Then, of course, there are those little things in life. Growing up there was a hot meal every single night of the week. I recall very rarely going out to eat, but we did that every once in a while. The special treat on our birthdays when I was younger was we got to pick where we went (I think 9 times out of 10 it turned out to be Showbiz Pizza, which is now Chuck E. Cheese). When we got older we just got to pick our favorite meal and my parents would make that on our birthdays. Did this take much money at all? Not really. I would choose a nice homecooked meal over McDonalds any day. Sure we had relatively the same things every week, but it was still good. Then there are those Saturday mornings and Sunday nights. Growing up we always had a nice supper on Sunday nights, whether it was pizza, sub sandwiches, beef sandwiches or sausage/meatball sandwiches there was always something waiting on Sunday nights after church. Then of course there is the tradition that I have started out here on Saturday mornings: waffles. I cheat and use a box of mix, but I am pretty sure that my dad always made them from scratch. I don't recall having waffles every week back home, but it was enough that I certainly do remember them.
So, if you read somewhere or hear me say "I want to go home" or "I am thinking about running away" you now know what I want to run away to. I miss those times back home. I honestly wish that I could relive them.

My Greatest Fear

My greatest fear in life is the fact of the sin that is over me. I see myself caught in the same sins all the time and it really depresses me. Satan wants me to think that these sins have condemned me, but these sins have done nothing to me, for I repent of them. I realize how much I have actually broken away from the perfect life. I realize how much things could be different, but alas I have still sinned. The mere fact that I have realized how evil I am, though, already tells me that I have been rescued. None of us will ever be perfect, but with Christ we are made perfect. What is my great fear? Apart from Christ it is the fear of death, but death has lost its sting and the grave has no victory over those who have been set free by Christ. I must admit that my prayer life is not what it once was. I remember in college I was told by the campus pastor that he went through times where he found it very difficult to pray so he would pray the prayers of saints that were recorded in a book of prayer. I am now finding it difficult to pray also. The amazing thing, though, is that God already knows what we need and we can actually pray things such as "give me words to speak." God will give us the words to pray to him and it is wonderful. Even sitting in silence works. I also recall that I have many times fallen asleep while praying. You are in God's presence at these times and it is so wonderful. It is at these times that you should realize that you are close to God. God, however, is never far away from us. In fact, God never changes where he is, we just try to get further away from him. At the times that we need God the most we are at fault, not him. We have run from where we should be and we need to turn back. So, my simple prayer is "Give me words to speak at those times when I find it so difficult to pray. I know that I am not what I should be, but I am nowhere close to what I could have been. Thank you Lord."

Woah

Okay, I have not added anything to this blog in a really long time. I am pretty sure that no one ever reads this anyways. Hey, I didn't even know that I had this blog. Anyways, life seems good. I am still at the seminary, but not going to school, just working for them. It is a job, I guess, but definitely not where I see myself down the road. I really hope to move on to bigger and better things. I am spending this weekend in Iowa, going to a wedding of two really great friends who now live on the other side of the country from me. It was great to see them and also a few more old friends that I wish I still had close. In fact, it is weird to just be back in Iowa. I also envision myself moving back to the midwest where life is much better for me. I cannot deal so much with the hustle and bustle of California with drivers who drive crazy and people who flip you off. That is just not life for me. I hope when I meet that special someone they will truly embrace the midwest and not mind living there for the rest of their life. I still find comfort in the fact that places like this still exist. Yes, I am yearning for something that I have never really had before, but it just seems like a much better life for me. It seems like people are closer here. It seems like you actually have neighbors that you can socialize with. Maybe it is just a pipe-dream for me, but maybe it is not. Maybe it just depends where you are in life as to how you feel about friendships. Included in my gmail chat messages lately has been "Adam needs to find more friends closer to Escondido." Maybe, however, that should read "Adam needs to find more friends where friendship actually matters" and is not just a part of life. They say that you can tell a man by the company he keeps. But, honestly, what if he keeps no company? What if he feels like a stranger in a strange world? That is where I am now. I have great friends, no denying that, but there are in another part of the US, away from me. Am I depressed or whining? By no means, just reflecting and realizing how much certain people mean in my life.