This Past Week

So, this past week I have been sick. Combined I took 10 hours of "compassion time" from work so that I could go to the ER and also go to the doctor. I had an EKG and a Chest x-ray to be told I have heart palpitations on Monday and then on Tuesday I was told that I had stomach flu. Anyways, that gave me a little bit of time to think and it made me very scared. I think this is the first time in my life where I have ever regretted anything that I have done. My combined student loans payments for a 25 year term are about the same as my rent payment per month, which absolutely freaks me out and makes me wonder if coming out to Southern California was a huge mistake in my life. I did definitely learn a lot at WSC, but it put me back $50,000 and I really have little to show for it besides the knowledge that I gained. Yes, there can be a price put on knowledge, but I do not have a degree for it. I think it was a mistake to say that I would keep going to WSC until I flunked out, which is what happened. Now I live from paycheck to paycheck, I guess, trusting that the Lord will provide for all my needs. It is a great thing to have this kind of trust, but it is also scary because many of us do not trust God as we should. Yes, I am not technically emptying my bank account every month paying bills, but having very little money does definitely scare me. We shall see what the future will hold for me.